I May Still Have To Understand His Will

In the scripture quoted;

For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulstion, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.   (Doctrine and Covenants 38:2-3)

I used to be an advicer to anybody even don't know personally. Don't know what they saw on me why mostly rely and confide their problems? When me too really needs someone. I used to tell them be strong never give in no matter what the circumstances should be. I used to be a fighter even my life is at risks. Despite couldn't swallowed foods or drink liquids for I knew Heavenly Father is always there.

But here I am again feeling depress. It's almost New Year few hours remaining to wait. Another year to live and another number be add on my age. In fact almost diminishing 40 years of living with no progression still dependent to others. All my aims have been dropped. In other words worthless creature.

Yes, ev'ry time I scan the scripture there is always a reminder, "Never, never give up it is only for a short moment. I knew He really loves me. He send messages either found in the scriptures, hymns or messages of our church leaders.

I admit due to depression attitude changed. I've been a stubborn one easily be provoked. Admitting too almost decided to end up my life but gladly there is the gospel. It's true a natural man is an enemy to God for one thing being in the world full of wickedness that can convey negativeness.

My strength is diminishing too. I am not yet too old but easily get tired. Pains are everywhere. There are lots of obstacles along the way and the only way could cope up is shedding tears. It's New Year hoping there is still a chance.

All are negative thoughts and it contradict to the teachings of God. It's human nature or simply evil thinking. I need to surpass all of these. I need to write what or how I feel to unleash everything.

I Have To Stand On My Own

It's hard being dependent just because a jobless one. I don't have any possessions. It seems I am a nobody when what I am to for their welfare. Even sacrifice mostly of my time, leisure and forgetting my personal progression.

I knew life indeed is tough especially when you have nothing. You'll be treated as if an ant that can easily be trodden into pieces. If only for the sake of the kids and most to my mother who sacrifice a lot for their own sake.

If only I am strong enough to sustain challenges maybe may not suffer just like this.

In any statesment caught, a Family must always go hand in hand but what happened. All I need is a peaceful life that each of us must have the values of respect.

I am not perfect have some flaws but I am up to is their welfare. Never expecting material wealth in return just a Respect.

Honestly, there came a point I want to give up. Thinking of negative views that I knew it's wrong. The fact we don't own anything just a borrowed life. It's hard to be like this. Again if only have a stable condition that can magnify all what I aim maybe can attain progress. 

What can it be? When can have a money of my own so can never be a dependent. I used to conclude worse for worse better eat a soil than depending my needs to them. I don't care if no shelter, no proper nourishment than being dependent to them as long I am at peace. I knew it's not proper to ask why. Why remain a nobody? What is the purpose of living? Actually learned the answers was raise up in a true church but due to human nature can't control being down and lowly. I am hoping a chance and knew He really loves me.

Everything must have come to pass!

In this mortal existence there is no such as permanent or forever. As my title said everything must have come to pass.

We are living in a vast universe where wonders can sometimes can lead to a quest! Asking why, what, where and how? In fact mostly people said, "wala na bang forever?" Only God knows it. He is the author of everything especially our life.

2016, could be considered a tragic month for me. Maybe to those who don't really knew my personally can say I am over-acting. Mabawbaw lang kasi luha ko. I was born sensitive easily get hurt.

Pets are part of my life. It is my daily routine before feeding my empty stomach to give the essential needs for them. I must see to it they are in safe. Anyway it is not our will be done only Heavenly Father. I admit I knew about for aside it is written in the scriptures it is also discussed during our Sunday classes. This life is our second estate or probationary stage in which we need to pass through lots of challenges. If we hold on to the irod rod we can attain exaltation. It is a promise that we can have the forever.

I knew I can see all my love ones not only humans but also pets if I remain faithful. But due to my human nature the feeling of guilt or sadness abound in me. I could ask what have I done? Maybe too of lack of knowledge on how.

We need be prepared at all times for we don't know when will be our last breath. Living righteously is the key to happiness.

It's difficult to accept even knew the purpose of life. 

I thought it would no longer happened but it did. Just last month I saw him healthy and screaming for food. It is my obligation to wake up early to feed our pets before anything else. I saw one of them lying in a chair weak. Of course the feeling of sadness came and asked why? Immediately went to the water station to clean their mess. Upon seeing the others my heart tremble and murmur. I felt so sad that I chased one of them telling why he's not concern with his brother. Don't know why, what is the cause of his death? The one I chased died few days after. I knew animals have also wisdom they can understand us. We cannot condemn for that was my mistake. Prior to his death he understand my feelings. He did comfort his sick brother.

It is my mournful year April, May, July 2016 four of them died. Life must go on. Until we meet again GUYS!

I was supposed an Optimist

Of course everyone have a dream, an ambition to achieve. When was a child I decided of becoming a ramp model or a fashion designer. I wanted to wear different kinds of styles to show on crowd. Even fond of drawing a lady with different apparels.

Landscaping is one of wherein I can picture everything what's within my mind. By doing so could express what's inside. In short decided also of becoming an Architect or a painter. I have a strong conviction that everything be put into real.

As I went through life it came to realize being a fashion model could lead to wickedness. The styles itself mostly are immodest. It could invigorate human conduct. Yes, can gain popularity and prosperity as many experienced. Indeed those who are on the line own expensive lifestyle.

Everything have changed none are fulfilled. Looking at my status is frustrating. Supposed at my age 39 maybe contented but it's a different story. I should be independent. Keep asking what's my purpose of living or why still alive or why survived despite of been through. I knew it is wrong for I knew the reasons.

Complaining is a big No. It's not of God and no right to develop that kind of character. I used to compare myself from others that strengthen my agony. I couldn't help myself from having trouble all the time that tend of being forgetful.

Everyday is a stress for me. I kept planning how to gain success but failed been down by physical disabilities. Tears is my end point but I hide it to anyone.

Reading meaningful quotes or verses in the scripture are my weapons. It stretch out my sorrows. I knew I am totally wrong for I have the true gospel but still weaken by frustrations.

What a life I have to survive!