Of course everyone have a dream, an ambition to achieve. When was a child I decided of becoming a ramp model or a fashion designer. I wanted to wear different kinds of styles to show on crowd. Even fond of drawing a lady with different apparels.
Landscaping is one of wherein I can picture everything what's within my mind. By doing so could express what's inside. In short decided also of becoming an Architect or a painter. I have a strong conviction that everything be put into real.
As I went through life it came to realize being a fashion model could lead to wickedness. The styles itself mostly are immodest. It could invigorate human conduct. Yes, can gain popularity and prosperity as many experienced. Indeed those who are on the line own expensive lifestyle.
Everything have changed none are fulfilled. Looking at my status is frustrating. Supposed at my age 39 maybe contented but it's a different story. I should be independent. Keep asking what's my purpose of living or why still alive or why survived despite of been through. I knew it is wrong for I knew the reasons.
Complaining is a big No. It's not of God and no right to develop that kind of character. I used to compare myself from others that strengthen my agony. I couldn't help myself from having trouble all the time that tend of being forgetful.
Everyday is a stress for me. I kept planning how to gain success but failed been down by physical disabilities. Tears is my end point but I hide it to anyone.
Reading meaningful quotes or verses in the scripture are my weapons. It stretch out my sorrows. I knew I am totally wrong for I have the true gospel but still weaken by frustrations.
What a life I have to survive!
