I May Still Have To Understand His Will

In the scripture quoted;

For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulstion, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.   (Doctrine and Covenants 38:2-3)

I used to be an advicer to anybody even don't know personally. Don't know what they saw on me why mostly rely and confide their problems? When me too really needs someone. I used to tell them be strong never give in no matter what the circumstances should be. I used to be a fighter even my life is at risks. Despite couldn't swallowed foods or drink liquids for I knew Heavenly Father is always there.

But here I am again feeling depress. It's almost New Year few hours remaining to wait. Another year to live and another number be add on my age. In fact almost diminishing 40 years of living with no progression still dependent to others. All my aims have been dropped. In other words worthless creature.

Yes, ev'ry time I scan the scripture there is always a reminder, "Never, never give up it is only for a short moment. I knew He really loves me. He send messages either found in the scriptures, hymns or messages of our church leaders.

I admit due to depression attitude changed. I've been a stubborn one easily be provoked. Admitting too almost decided to end up my life but gladly there is the gospel. It's true a natural man is an enemy to God for one thing being in the world full of wickedness that can convey negativeness.

My strength is diminishing too. I am not yet too old but easily get tired. Pains are everywhere. There are lots of obstacles along the way and the only way could cope up is shedding tears. It's New Year hoping there is still a chance.

All are negative thoughts and it contradict to the teachings of God. It's human nature or simply evil thinking. I need to surpass all of these. I need to write what or how I feel to unleash everything.