Till We Meet Again

It's been years of depression due to my stability status plus pertaining to family relationships. I kept on crying secretly to cope the Ill feelings inside of me. Though still grateful through the gospel I have since was a kid. When I am home feelings of inadequacy submerged.

I am not a pet lover before and to think of the mind set changed. In fact every time I saw animals be in worse scenarios my heart burst. I could not hold my tears to flow and to sob vigorously.

Last year was one of my saddest moment of life and up to now can't help it but to burst into deep sorrow. As if a knife stabbed beneath despite I knew what will be. As a mortal being be known to subjects to any form of challenges. And should accept everything is temporary. Be it come to pass for this is a state of probation. I am not a pet lover before but as the years went by the feeling of acceptance is included. I mean, the love of accepting to someone who are not used to. In short I learned to love and treasure pets such dogs and cats. Every moment I saw been maltreated inner inadequacy came in. It was not the first but the third been losing a pet dog. The first way back when still a teenager but forgot the exact year for during those time my heart still hanging. I mean, the feeling of total acceptance was not fully attached. Despite of when Sidney died (our first dog) I admit I cried not only for the lost but the guilt. If only  I accepted, cared and love maybe he will stay longer. He just stayed few months and died due to intoxication or shall I say unknown cause. Same way to my second Dean, just noticed her body no longer moving. I was about to provide her breakfast meal upon knowing she's in that state.

My second pet dog (Dean), originally from my brother's high school friend given to us. Unlike Sidney I started to accept the sense of responsibility to love and care of an animals but still learning how to cuddle them purely especially with regards to do's and don'ts. I could say even don't given have enough for still remain a sweet and loyal one. And that's one thing I learned and treasured in my mind that animals do have feelings. They are eager to risks their lives for the sake of our safety. Sadly many of us humans still don't accept them. Treated them nothing just like a thrust for them.
As to my knowledge both Sidney and Dean came from local breed but doesn't matter. It was in my thought if only my latter one survived she can be with us here.

It's hard to lost someone you love, the pain can even prick harshly beneath that can even hurdle my everyday living. It was not supposed again to adopt a dog again especially too we don't have enough in terms of monetary. It is just like raising a child, it is not a game for it is not a toy to be take for granted. But when my Papa died my Brother again brought a dog as a replacement for my Papa. A loveone can never be replace.

Coi, was my third dog. This time at least more knowledge prosper but still lacking but at least he survived for 12 years and half and hoping for more.
It was always my pleading to keep them safe for we are not always in their side. Always my wish to have them with me for years until they are old. In life there is always a starting and ending point this is Earthly stage. No one can be here forever. But it was my hope and again it's like that.

For those who believe animals are just animals they are wrong. Like us they are living thing created by Heavenly Father to be with us. They have feelings too. As could recall, the days of distress during our hardships, coping family misunderstanding, in danger and even our leisure days my dogs are there to accompany. As if a human willing to comfort as the way Coi did for us.

I composed this blog as my tribute or a memoir of my beloved dogs especially to Coi because among the three he was the longest. It was tragic for me when he died. I never expected. Again and again, I could torture or blamed myself. I knew we are always guided by Heavenly Father through listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost if we will listen carefully nothing will go wrong.

My blog will focus on Coi, one way I could express the grief feel inside. Through him I learned to accept animals.

Well, as I go along mean studying more about them learned their qualities and characters too. It seems just like humans. In short God created us equal and oh humans have given greater knowledge for we are given responsibility to care them.
Coi, is somewhat a loner, he never mingle anyone unless he feels safe. Even choosy who to be. When was young as to recall can be with cats but then turned out horrible. He killed not just one but three kittens. And something can trigger but don't know exactly maybe he was being under hypnotised. Anyway what's matter for me he still the loving dog to us. For each of us have own well.

I know there are still a chance someday.... Sidney (could not be recalled when he died), Dean (February 16, 2001) and Coi (July 17, 2019).

Now with Pepay and Wendy plus my Memings (cats) again striving for the loss but have too. Again, hoping God will permit me to have them till they are old. I love them so much.

I have plans for my Coi. It was to bring him to the veternarian for health consultation. It's been years since especially I found out tumors came. I promised that whenever I have money but failed. Setting aside upon observation it was just benign. I don't know exactly the cause of his death.
Life should be treasured everyday with a special purpose. It is to be in accordance to the will of our Heavenly Father we don't know when will be. Each of us have timeline.

Every Creature Is Great In The Sight Of God

I knew everything here on earth is temporary for everything be gone, lost or waste. We only borrowed it from the ultimate owner which is our creator. But couldn't still accept for what is in my mind losing is a painful aspect. It will take years or I guest forever till can accept.

My heart grieves a lot that every seconds of the day can't control to shed tears. I would tend to say, "if only I have the money, the capacity, and the wealth to handle them. It is totally a painful part once you lost someone you love. I even think of negative matter just to bare the pain.

Yes, they are just animals according to those who never value them. In fact would worthless to have them but as for me they are valuable for they are also creations sent here to experience life. If only I am a rich maybe this wouldn't happen.

We are just poor, don't own a place where we could say it's our property. Shall I say lending a house to live in for so many years. I knew this must be done for there is an original owner. They have the right to do what they want.
We are living in a house owned by my mom's relatives. Unluckily, cats are not accepted to them. Even threatened that they must be killed.

I admit I hate cats before but since an enduring mother came in my life have been changed. Though it's kind a hassle in everyday for must wake up earlier to comply tasks but seeing them happy and safe makes me comfortable. I should say if you learn to love them you can also develop a love towards another person. A love that can called selfless. Indeed, because for me I'd rather have nothing than them.

It's been days of searching a place for them but no one yet responded. Is it because their just an ordinary creature for mostly loves special type of breed. I could not feel comfortable seeing them behind. I don't want to see them abandon,  and left behind nothing. Why is it there is such a great barrier between a human and an animal where all are God's creations. I've saw some organizations that said willing to adopt and accept them but why up to now my request been ignored?

The hours and days is fast approaching on our departure. What can I do now? They're living things like us humans. They need special care and attention too especially at their stage. I knew there is still a chance but hoping it must be. I love my pets. If only I am rich maybe I have the capacity to provide all their needs and never allowed to surrender them to anybody.
Hoping there is a hope for my pet cats....

In the Days of Afflictions Comes the Blessing of Knowledge

I am been blessed being part of the true church here on earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As a human being not a perfect one have the tendency to feel desperate towards every negative aspects. But could say must accept for what is seen or heard are predicted since the ancient times by the prophets of old.

There is always a reminder or protocol, "he who prepares to fail prepares to fail. Repent, for the time is nigh at hand." Tremors of wars are everywhere fighting between forces just to gain sovereignty or power. Many are afflicted or affected especially young ones. As a common citizen in my society the face of collapsed engulf my senses because at my stage still incompatible for not yet stable in any aspect of life.

We should learn a lesson. Wickedness indeed brings misery. In everything each of us must in tune with the Holy Spirit for our guidance and comfort. This is a substle stage where no one in perfect.

Satan or the Devil is here on earth too. He wants us to be like him a miserable man. He creates  tactics to entice us to be in bondage and be a prisoner forever.

I am not persuading anybody to believe just have to express what been inside my senses.

A Message Whom I Considered A Brother

I may not be perfect for humans commit sins. I don't have any material wealth to show for a jobless being like me used to defend on my mother's support. But, I do have a heart to feel for others. May not be blessed to have siblings by blood but through feelings.

I wrote a letter to someone whom concerned a lot. This is one way could express
my sincere care for him.

"Ho Ami......

How are you? Are you in good condition? Let's put this way, as if we are in a court. I'm the lawyer and you're the client.

Questions:

Are you sure you're telling the truth nothing but the truth? Are you sure you're not
angry on me that I'm so sensitive and strict to you? I'm always telling you to be a good boy, avoid foolishness and associating foolish people especially girls... I think you're bored of always hearing this... Sorry. I don't want you be into trouble. You know you're not the only person I've done this my father when he's still alive. We used to fight just to remind not to intake any substance that could trigger health problem. That's not all but to people  whom I feel needs a special attention. You knew now a days the world is so wicked. People are fun of doing evil works. If you want to make friends, "Used your brain and heart and most of all pray for guidance from God.

Like for example chatting to a girl. Now a days girls are used to wear revealing dress that can entice men to commit sin. There are also who wear modestly but their words and actions contrary to their outer image. They want lust not love. So
please be aware of all these things we're so concern for you're still young and away from your parents."

This is an old letter but was inspired to share in public maybe it can help to those who seek inspiration. I admit some kind strict for don't want anyone be fall into everlasting misery.

I May Still Have To Understand His Will

In the scripture quoted;

For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulstion, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.   (Doctrine and Covenants 38:2-3)

I used to be an advicer to anybody even don't know personally. Don't know what they saw on me why mostly rely and confide their problems? When me too really needs someone. I used to tell them be strong never give in no matter what the circumstances should be. I used to be a fighter even my life is at risks. Despite couldn't swallowed foods or drink liquids for I knew Heavenly Father is always there.

But here I am again feeling depress. It's almost New Year few hours remaining to wait. Another year to live and another number be add on my age. In fact almost diminishing 40 years of living with no progression still dependent to others. All my aims have been dropped. In other words worthless creature.

Yes, ev'ry time I scan the scripture there is always a reminder, "Never, never give up it is only for a short moment. I knew He really loves me. He send messages either found in the scriptures, hymns or messages of our church leaders.

I admit due to depression attitude changed. I've been a stubborn one easily be provoked. Admitting too almost decided to end up my life but gladly there is the gospel. It's true a natural man is an enemy to God for one thing being in the world full of wickedness that can convey negativeness.

My strength is diminishing too. I am not yet too old but easily get tired. Pains are everywhere. There are lots of obstacles along the way and the only way could cope up is shedding tears. It's New Year hoping there is still a chance.

All are negative thoughts and it contradict to the teachings of God. It's human nature or simply evil thinking. I need to surpass all of these. I need to write what or how I feel to unleash everything.

I Have To Stand On My Own

It's hard being dependent just because a jobless one. I don't have any possessions. It seems I am a nobody when what I am to for their welfare. Even sacrifice mostly of my time, leisure and forgetting my personal progression.

I knew life indeed is tough especially when you have nothing. You'll be treated as if an ant that can easily be trodden into pieces. If only for the sake of the kids and most to my mother who sacrifice a lot for their own sake.

If only I am strong enough to sustain challenges maybe may not suffer just like this.

In any statesment caught, a Family must always go hand in hand but what happened. All I need is a peaceful life that each of us must have the values of respect.

I am not perfect have some flaws but I am up to is their welfare. Never expecting material wealth in return just a Respect.

Honestly, there came a point I want to give up. Thinking of negative views that I knew it's wrong. The fact we don't own anything just a borrowed life. It's hard to be like this. Again if only have a stable condition that can magnify all what I aim maybe can attain progress. 

What can it be? When can have a money of my own so can never be a dependent. I used to conclude worse for worse better eat a soil than depending my needs to them. I don't care if no shelter, no proper nourishment than being dependent to them as long I am at peace. I knew it's not proper to ask why. Why remain a nobody? What is the purpose of living? Actually learned the answers was raise up in a true church but due to human nature can't control being down and lowly. I am hoping a chance and knew He really loves me.

Everything must have come to pass!

In this mortal existence there is no such as permanent or forever. As my title said everything must have come to pass.

We are living in a vast universe where wonders can sometimes can lead to a quest! Asking why, what, where and how? In fact mostly people said, "wala na bang forever?" Only God knows it. He is the author of everything especially our life.

2016, could be considered a tragic month for me. Maybe to those who don't really knew my personally can say I am over-acting. Mabawbaw lang kasi luha ko. I was born sensitive easily get hurt.

Pets are part of my life. It is my daily routine before feeding my empty stomach to give the essential needs for them. I must see to it they are in safe. Anyway it is not our will be done only Heavenly Father. I admit I knew about for aside it is written in the scriptures it is also discussed during our Sunday classes. This life is our second estate or probationary stage in which we need to pass through lots of challenges. If we hold on to the irod rod we can attain exaltation. It is a promise that we can have the forever.

I knew I can see all my love ones not only humans but also pets if I remain faithful. But due to my human nature the feeling of guilt or sadness abound in me. I could ask what have I done? Maybe too of lack of knowledge on how.

We need be prepared at all times for we don't know when will be our last breath. Living righteously is the key to happiness.

It's difficult to accept even knew the purpose of life. 

I thought it would no longer happened but it did. Just last month I saw him healthy and screaming for food. It is my obligation to wake up early to feed our pets before anything else. I saw one of them lying in a chair weak. Of course the feeling of sadness came and asked why? Immediately went to the water station to clean their mess. Upon seeing the others my heart tremble and murmur. I felt so sad that I chased one of them telling why he's not concern with his brother. Don't know why, what is the cause of his death? The one I chased died few days after. I knew animals have also wisdom they can understand us. We cannot condemn for that was my mistake. Prior to his death he understand my feelings. He did comfort his sick brother.

It is my mournful year April, May, July 2016 four of them died. Life must go on. Until we meet again GUYS!